I heard the Lord whisper to me “There is Purity after Sexual abuse”. The words sparked me because I never thought I would be able to see myself as pure with such a dirty and dark past. The devil will use anything he can to reprogram your mind to feel unworthy.
When I was younger being molested was a secret only God, I, and the person who abused me knew. I held this secret from 4 to 17 years old. Sexual Abuse tears down the purity of your mind. This taught me to be secretive about everything going on in my life whether it was good or bad. I became a person so consumed in my mind I didn’t communicate much on the outside world. I also felt like I was the only one battling these challenges and isolated myself.
I begin to mentally hate myself, I remember after I would get abused I had this routine of running to my room to continuously punch myself in the face and repeat over and over “ I hate myself” until it registered in my mind I was unworthy of love. (Kind of makes me cry writing this but God is such a healer). Self hate led to so many issues as Hygiene was one of the biggest. I was so disconnected to my body I couldn’t touch my skin without being triggered or feeling the feelings of shame and dirtiness. I felt so unworthy of fresh water touching my body. Guys I smelled so bad just keeping it real. (But not ANYMORE thank God for putting amazing people to guide me on how to take care of my body ). When it came to dressing I always wore bigger clothes so no one would notice my body figure. As the person who abused me was a male my mindset on men was altered. I developed a hate for men, a fear, and discomfort around them.
Being 100% honest I never thought my mind, thoughts, perspectives could change. I never could imagine myself healed or what healthy really could look like. But God began to heal my mind. It’s funny because when I was younger being healed and being normal was such a dream of mine that I took it into my own hands and I didn’t include God. I was trying to change my thoughts and doing all this behavior modification instead of allowing God to restore me. When something is restored it is brought back to its original intent. We cannot heal ourselves we can just try to be different but after a while, we fall right back into the same old cycle. But when we hand over our healing journey to the Lord he can do so much. I love the scripture Malachi 3:2 which talks about the refiner’s fire and the fuller soap. When God cleanses our past it is put into the fire to redefine and the fuller’s soap means to whiten. So we are made pure with no past. But we have to understand the fire and the fuller’s soap is a process and it doesn’t always feel good. God has to reprogram us and restore us. Buts it’s all worth it in the end. I am testimony in the making of the ways the Lord has changed me back to how he made me. God is still working on me. God has changed my ways of thinking about my body, my image, and much more. I could have been so much further if I would have done some of the following things:
- Learn about Deliverance: When your’re abused you are open to so much demonic stuff like the spirit of depression, homosexuality, lust, anxiety, people pleasing, loss of identity, sexual immorality, mental dysfunctions, UN-forgiveness, hate, jealous and so much more. I had to be set free from so much. This book really changed my life check it out: Supernatural Deliverance Freedom for your soul mind and emotions by Guillermo Maldonado
- Invest in yourself: Your worth it spend time on yourself. Get to know yourself so much time is stolen when you are abused I never spent on myself. Go for a walk, go to the beach do something.
- Be intentionally and committed to my healing process: When things get uncomfortable stick with it and know God is doing something great. ( I use to be so uncomfortable washing but I had to stick to it until I love showers)
- Saturate yourself in the things of God: Quiet time with God, listening to sermons, fellowship, and worship stay connected to God. The more I spend time in his presence I was given another layer of innocence in my way of thinking.
- Declare God’s word over yourself: Find scripture for the areas you struggle with for me it was emotions and mind. So I found those scriptures
- Speak it to you see it: Speak Great and God things over yourself. I am healed I am forgiven I am set free. I have freedom in my mind.
- Mentorship/ Life Coach: We all need somebody to help pull us through. God blessed me with amazing sisters who interceded, stepped up and loved on me but also spoke the truth even when it was hard to hear.
- Be teachable: Be open to learning new ways and don’t be defensive ask god to help you. Sometimes we have been so stuck in a mindset when others teach us different we get defensive ask God to help you. He will.
- Keep pressing forward: Don’t give up or give in. Stay the course
- Celebrate moments of change: No matter how big or small celebrate when you see God has changed something in your life
The Lord says:
You have allowed me to suffer hardships, but you will restore me to life again. And lift me up from the depths of the earth. You will restore me even to greater honor and comfort me once again. – Psalm 71:20-23
Love you Treasures you’re not forgotten you are LOVED